Why do I like this

I was sitting at lunch today with a few of my friends when one of them brought up a website, a game called girlmaker. In the game you choose different outfits and hairstyles and facial features to create characters, particuarly girls. We did make a few boys on the game but it was alittle more difficult finging the appropriate features.

My best friend and I made each other. So I’ll put them in. But this game led to a conversation about how much we loved creating characters. I remember my brother and I used to take apart all of our lego figures, and then put the pieces back together again to create new people. We came up with some funny looking people, but there was something so fun about doing it. My best friend talked about talked about how she loved to create Wii Mii characters on her Wii.

But why is it that we have so much fun creating characters, and coming up with their backstories. Could they be a representation of how we wish our lives were? Even as a little kid, I had dolls in which I would dress and come up with elaborate love stories for. But why? Please, I have no real answer for this. If you have any insight please share.

my best friend made this one of me.
I made this one of my best friend

I am happy

I think that when a week seems overbearing or boring or long, you need to set something up to make you excited, or look forward to a certain day. For example, plan a day to get ice cream. Or plan coffee with friends. Or treat yourself to some tv. Start a new series. Start a new book. Start a new project. Anything to make you excited to have time to yourself.

I for one, hate school (I love learning, I just hate to assignments they give us, they insult my intelligence) And I know that’s a basic opinion, blah blah blah. But to help me get through it, I set fun things for me to do after school. It makes life much more enjoyable. yay

Sleigh Bells Ring in November

In my family, we celebrate Christmas and the thing about getting gifts done early is, people like to react. “omg theres like two months until Christmas, what are you doing???”

And you know what????? I LIKE MAKING PRESENTS ALL THROUGH NOVEMBER OKAY???? If I have a good idea, why should I WAIT until mid December to make it? As of today, there are 39 days until the big day, and if you think about, there are 14 people I need to have gifts for, some of them will have 2-4 gifts each (if you can’t tell, I love giving presents) so that’s on average 30 gifts!!!!! I’M SORRY BUT A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT JUST DOESN’T HAVE THE TIME TO MESS AROUND! I have to start making gifts in November! I just can’t afford to start in mid December. If I make one gift a day (which is totally unrealistic) I’ll make it, but realistically speaking I have to do all holiday planning on the weekends, cause I don’t have the time during the week haha. So please stop coming at me for taking out the wrapping paper this early.

Current Mood

I’m in the mood to meditate. I need to get in some super comfy clothes, lite some candles, brew some tea, turn down all my lights, sit in the middle of my floor, turn off all music, and just focus on my posture. Not moving at all. Then I need to work on planning out how I’m going to purchase all christmas presents. I also need to design necklaces for two of my good friends. AHHHHH so much work to do before Dec. and I know that school is only going to get more busy from here on out, so I mind as well get everything planned out. You know?

Sharing…too much?

Last night I went to bed on a high. I just finished a page in sketchbook that had taken me two hours and I was so proud of it. Then it occured to me how much I share. I share everything about myself. And I share A LOT. I have three instagram pages, I have a twitter (please follow me @Iornadunecookie ) and I have a blog, I have a vsco, I have so so many notebooks. I have sketchbooks. And I have an app that encourages me to take one video every day. You see? I am a girl who loves life. And I want to tell everyone about it every second of the day. I have next to no regrets. I love it.

As much as I tell myself that high school won’t matter when in 32, I still record every important minute of it. Or maybe just the mundane things that I will probably forget. I love everything.

I’m constantly sending photos and videos to my friends. Not that they always care but, I feel the need to share with everyone all the things I love.

Not to mention, after looking back on all the things I’ve said or done, teaches me that I’m not the same person I was a month ago, and that really helps me know that I’m am maturing even if it doesn’t feel like it.

FREE OF THE ART BLOCK

Nothing is more exciting than realizing you have escaped an art block. You know you’re free when you lay in bed picturing all the different paintings you can do, all the meanings behind them and what media to use. I was so tired last night but I really wanted to draw my cat. Two nights ago, I was sleeping on my stomach, and my cat (Padme) deadass fell asleep on the back of my legs. I felt so bad because I had to move so badly. Hahaha But now I want to paint it. I think it would be cute. Like, picture a girl, all comfy with her down blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and then a small black cat curled up on the back of her legs, making an indent in the blanket. There would be lots of wrinkles in the blanket, and they would be so fun to drawwww ahhhhhh I can’t wait to go home and make this.

I vowed to myself to actually finish some of my sketches, like put them in a different media. If I could go to art school, I would need some finished pieces for my portfolio. so this would be purr-fect. tehe

RED

Saturday night I decided to dye my hair right red. And here I am, two days later with hair like Ariel. AHHHHHHH. It’s really amazing. And I’d like to act like it was all spontaneous and stuff but….. I literally did two whole days of thorough research, because I had to bleach my hair too. If I had any tips, I would say don’t wash your hair a few days before you leach. Just really make sure you condition afterwards and stuff.

Also my friends came over and helped me dye it. I have a feeling this will be one of the things I remember many years to come. It was so much fun.

HIGHSCHOOL TIP: you don’t have to do drugs or give stick and pokes or rob people to have fun, bonding experiences with your friends. Just saying. Do something wholesome for once. Pure things are great.

peep the locks

This Hurts Me

Why do I feel like if I do something, I have to be good at it. Like I have to pick one thing to be good at, and I have to be AMAZING. For example, I really want to get good at oil painting portraits, but as of right now I also want to go to Yale and work with Space Exploration. So if I wanted to go to space, I can’t waste my time doing something that I’m not even good at, that I can’t make good money doing. You know? It’s like ahhhhhhhh. I would LOVE to go to art school, but as a fifteen year old, it’s too late to start making art and make it into a good school you know?

I want to do all of these things, but I don’t have the time in one life. And I certainly don’t have the time to get good enough at any of them so I can make it into a college that will care. I feel like if I make art, I have to have an art youtube channel, or I have to have an instagram page, and more importantly, other people have to LIKE it. I also feel like I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself, studying for the SATs two years early during my Lunch band for a school that I don’t even know if I want to pursue later.

I also feel a lot of pressure coming from my grandparents, particularly my grandpas. I feel like there’s lots of doubt coming from them, a lot of anti-smart female vibes. Like since I’m a girl, I’ll never be as smart as I could be if I was a boy. I see it in the way they talk to my mom and my sister. My mom is training to be a therapist, and you would think that’s a perfectly respectable job in their eyes but no. It’s a very ‘feminine’ or ‘fragile’ career to pursue. And then there’s my sister. She goes to art school. The art school has a 31% acceptance rate, so you would think that would mean something to them. But it’s more like “oh, there’s another female who can hold a pencil and make good lines. Too bad she isn’t doing anything important with her life.” And I feel like it’s my job as the other female of the family to prove to them that girls can do powerful things that actually matter. I’ll admit, that’s why I want to get into the Air Force Academy so bad, because it made me look tough. But I’m tired of letting a stupid old man’s opinion of what I choose to do with MY life control my options. But will I change? No. Because I feel like I have to make up for all the years of cooking and cleaning they expect me to do. I just feel like I’ll never be enough. And even after they’re dead, I’m going to feel like I have to prove something to them.

Slutty Book Idea

I would like to start off by saying all my work is submitted and finished for the quarter, in other words hell has subsided for three weeks.

I would also like to say my ‘b’ key has been acting difficult and I can’t seem to find a way to clean out from under it.

I had an awful dream last night that I was a part of this super-christian charlie’s-angels type gang. And I was trying to explain to one of the girls that you are allowed to have friends that are guys, and it’s okay if a girl likes another girl, and all that shit. It was super hard and I remember her transforming into my old neighbor at one point and his older sister started flirting with a married man. GAH

I have this wonderful book idea. (yes, another one) And if you steal my idea, that’s okay because the probability of your version and my version being identical is slim. Very slim. But I would appreciate it if you credited me and all that.

Ahem. So. What if there is this girl. And she’s scared of commitment. So all the relationships she’s ever had have been one night stands or friends with benefits or whatever. She has set boundaries of course, she’s not just gonna sleep with a guy she met that day, but nonetheless, she had earned herself the name “slut”. But in her mind, she’s not a slut. She’s just someone who doesn’t do commitment. She just doesn’t like dates. Anyways, it doesn’t end with her finding the perfect guy and settling down, so that’s important. But what the whole book is trying to shine light on the reasons why we think people are ‘sluts’ and how being a ‘slut’ isn’t always driven by something bad. For example; sex addiction, or escaping from life type shit. It’s really about this girl who knows herself well enough to say “I can’t do commitment and that’s okay” Obviously, she never finds love, but that’s also okay because she learns that you don’t need the concept of a constant being by your side to feel loved.

I know it’s really something someone older should write. Perhaps I will when I have more experiences. But I think a book from that point of view would be really interesting. But of course, I’ll have to get really good at writing and stuff.