Cocktail Killers

Let’s go back to the days where people would get real dressed up to go to cocktail parties and they would always end in some political fight where someone gets stabbed or shot. Then what would’ve been small private business becomes public news as the police do an in depth investigation of everyone’s family grudges dating back to 1800s and history that is hardly worth honoring. Everyone reads about it the next day in the papers. And some small writer in NYC starts clipping out all the bits that have your name. Soon enough this small writer, big thinker, has complied hundreds of articles all about murders…and all of them…you’re in. Then they slowly put the pieces together, but it’s not until after you’re dead that they publish a book about all the unsolved murders of your lifetime and how you carried each of them out single handedly. So after your dead, enough evidence was presented that you actually were a killer, and you’re charged with murder. But them over many decades people still marvel over your stealth and they wonder….why? Why did you kill all these people? But really, you were just an alcoholic who loved to see the light leave people’s eyes.

Boredom, Bat out of Hell and Books

We are all bored. But what can we do about it? Not to be shady or anything but I feel for those poor souls who solely depend on sports to entertain themselves. People like that are already very boring because they have no interests outside their tiny little bubble, but now they are quarantined like the rest of us and must find something to do. I’m not pointing fingers but i’m close with people like that and its good for them to wake up.

Enough being mean. I was thinking, what can I do while I too am locked up with no place to go nothing to do? Art. I’ve settled on art, but also I want to make progress on my book. I did talk about my book before, but to recap, it’s about a girl who goes to college and meets another girl whom she soon falls in love with for various reasons. And like I said before I feel as if I’m in love with my imaginary characters more than people in real life. I guess I love them in an evil and sinister type of way, even though they have set personalities I can manipulate and move them in anyway I want. They can resist but I can persuade. I love them because I guess I’m sort of like them. Muahaha welp. Today we’ve learned that I’m a villain. Fun times. Fun times.

Back to my thing about art. This week I want to make a large ink & watercolor drawing of the cover art of Meat Loaf’s Bat out of Hell III The Monster is Loose AND Heart’s greatest hits album covers. So ya. A challenge but I think I should do it cause why the hell not. Plus they look really cool.

Image result for meat loaf bat out of hell 3
Image result for hearts greatest hits full album


  • The Kingdom of Childhood by Rebecca Coleman
  • Alice by Christina Henry
  • Careless People by Sarah Churchwell

The Speed of Light

I love how mirrors don’t lie. They reflect exactly what’s there. Of course your bain can manipulate what you see in the mirror, but the truth of the fact is, they don’t lie. For some reason I find myself thinking about the speed of light difference between the movements that you make and the movements the mirror makes. If humanity somehow figures out how to slow the speed of light down so we can see it, could we witness the mirror being slower than the original object? Maybe? Would the mirror lie then? By being slow?

Anyways, that wasn’t really what I wanted to write about today, I just so happen to be sitting in front of a mirror so I just got thinking.

I have a very vivid imagination. As I go through my day, my brain is whirling with made-up concepts and trailers for movies, scripts to screenplays, whole arguments played out by the characters in my brain. I long to be able to paint them to life, film them into existence, just as I imagine them. The characters have full backstories so complex and colorful, it’s like I’m living multiple lives. On top of this, I also have an internal monologue (i wrote about this a little more in a past blog), so day in, day out, my brain is loud.

With having an internal monologue, writing stories comes easy, I just write what my brain is saying, word for word. But lately I have been going through writer’s block. No ideas have come to me, or I have an idea, but I don’t know how to make it sound good enough. So I don’t know if anyone else has problems with this, or if yall think they same way I do, but I wrote a few tips that could be useful…perhaps.

1) Voice memos: Yall, I cannot stress how much I love having voice memos on my phone. They’re all the most random things, from birds in Virginia to the elevator in my Apartment building, I love noise. For me, noise also triggers lots of imagination, and I can often take a sound and come up with a whole story to match. I highly recommend recording random voice memos throughout your day, and then playing them back when you need inspo. (Don’t forget to label them so you can remember which sound is which.

2) Switch Mediums: I’ve heard this being used in visual art, but you can apply it to writing as well. Maybe if you always use pen and paper, switch to a laptop, or pencil on graph paper, or gel pen on an envelope. I even have a typewriter I’ll use for this. If you switch your medium, it can help you think more about how deliberate you’re being with your words, and make you write better concepts the first time. It can also help you get into your character’s brain.

3) Photos: Photos influence me very deeply, they can make me feel really good and really bad. Those emotions can help me launch my characters into situations that are much more rich in detail than just the ideas from my own head. Looking at photos, maybe photos that you wouldn’t normally see in your social media feed, definitely helps stir up your thoughts. If you don’t like browsing the internet, try going to an art show, or a book store and flip through photography books for inspiration. Of course, if you end up referencing or copying an image, make sure to give credit to the photographer.

4) Move around: Lastly, I cannot stress the importance of the change of scenery. Whether you normally write in a studio, or an office, or a park bench, moving around from place to place can really really help. You see things that are much more authentic and real than what you see online.(i sound like a mom haha, but it’s true!) People watching can help spark new ideas, and more realistic ideas and make your story much more believable, unless you’re writing nonfiction, of course, then it just helps getting your brain moving in a new perspective, which is also good.

That all for now, as always, I am a young brain and you don’t have to take anything I say seriously. You don’t have to tell me me feelings and my thoughts are invalid and young, I get told that on the daily, I live it. But this is where I’m at now, and if any of those things could be of use to you, great.

Whew. That was a chunky paragraph. I hope I got my point across. Yay. That’s all

I only date guys with good posture*

*the title is irrelevant to the blog

I had this wonderful thought. What if we could read books by consumption. Like our tongues could read?

Just think, you grab a new book, and you jab the middle of the page with your fork. Then, slowly, twisting the sentences around the spines like spaghetti noodles. You put the page in your mouth, obviously, just the words, not the actual paper. You would taste whatever was on the page. Like you would feel all the grooves of each word.

Of course, eventually they would come out with books specifically made to taste certain ways, like food critic books, and you would taste exactly what they were reviewing, from their point of view, and by what they tasted. Or maybe children’s books would be made for every page to taste like a new fruit. It would open pallets up to new flavors from a young age, without the harm of allergies or anything getting in the way.

But the main vision is, you scoop your spoon against the page and as you lift your spoon, the words pool in sentences and you pop them right into your mouth. Good books would taste wonderful, the style of writing coherent and easy to follow, but maybe poorly written books would be like a clash of words that made no sense together, like too much description without enough action.

Over time you would literally, develop a taste in books.

Anyways, I woke up thinking about that.

Book review

One of my closest friends ever, recommended this book to me. It was midway through freshman year and she was going crazy. A year and a half later, I’m reading it, and oh my I understand why she was freaking out. There is only one was to describe her book taste, twisted.

Now I probably shouldn’t be going over the top and talk about this book now, when I’ve only just begun reading it, but, I have to. I can’t hold it in. This book is crazy.

The book is (drumroll please) The Vegetarian by Han Kang. It’s directly translated from Korean and is so beautifully written I can’t put it down. The pace of the book is incredible. You’re never bored, it skips through time and jumps to the most bizzare moments on the character’s life. This story is so grotesque and gory and never ceases to amaze me. I feel like even in writing, when there’s freedom to let your hand write any word you want, something in us stops us from crossing an invisible line. It’s like a built in system of what is and isn’t okay to write. You know? Well, this book crosses every line. It defies every system. And let me tell you, this is by far the most interesting concept I’ve ever encountered. After this, I will no longer look for books in the YA section. No no no. I feel like I’ve had an awakening of some sort. Amazing.

I feel like a scribble

You know how in old-time animated movies, like Popeye The Sailor Man, where the scribble will appear above their head when either they’re mad or confused, or they just bumped their head? Well that’s how I feel. But the frames are loading way too slow so the pixels are glitching.

I cannot express how painful, yes, painful, to sit through and participate in 7 hours of high-intensive school, when you only have 6 hours of sleep? Awful. I love school, I really do. But Monday has NEVER hit me this hard.

I’ve also had this overwhelming urge to create a magnificent piece of art. Like I want it to be impressive, and I want it to have a deep meaning behind it, as well as look beautiful. All my art has been a bit bleh lately and I want to break the ice.

Makeup music and me

Today, I didn’t get I didn’t get that much done. But I felt accomplished, because I like myself today. Plus my mom said that we can go return-clothing shopping today and I’m super excited to just LEAVE the house. Fresh air baby! It does wonders. Change of scenery, all of it. It’s wonderful. plus my cat slept on my bed today and made me feel good.


I mean it when I say I felt different this morning. Like I’m a whole new person. Like eeoooowwwww.

In terms of mental health, I know how to improve. SO YAY

Also the very first thing I did this morning is write in my new journal, so I’m ready.

that’s all thanks. Here’s a bonus picture of my friend’s bird on my phone. to kick off the new year.

Gen Z rant

I’m not going to bore you with the formalities of “ohmahgawdIhavn’tbloggedinoveramonthcauseI’vebeensobusy” no. So let’s dive in.

This boy. This scrawny tall gorgeous boy. He has the AUDACITY to reply to several of my stories AND one of my tweets and THEN proceed to post on his Instagram story about “all these white girls in my dms” and how they have “unrealistic romantic fantasies” about him because he would never date a white girl. LIKE HOE-BOY!!! We all know you’re oh so handsome and you’re light skinned EveN tHoUgH yoU LooK LiKE YoU’Re JusT WhiTE (which makes no sense cause he looks light skinned), BUT YOU DON’T NEED TO GO ABOUT BEING SO DAMN AGGRESSIVE ABOUT WHITE GIRLS. LIKE I GET IT. WE HAVE THE TENDENCY TO HAVE THE SAME STYLE. WE CAN BE FLAT CHESTED AND NOT HAVE REALLY BIG ASSES AND SHIT. But the last thing a super insecure teen girl needs is some asshole guy making her feel bad for replying when YOU hit her up. Like she wasn’t even trying to get with you, you don’t have to shame a whole fucking race. And another thing is, everyone has their preference in people, and that’s o-k-a-y, but it’s NOT okay when you make people feel bad for not trying(or trying!) to date you for something they can’t change.

Also, this is a VERY controversial side note, there is lots of racism against people of color in our country, but I feel like the newest generation of kids, Gen Z, is very bias against white people. Notice I didn’t say racist towards white people, I said bias. I say this because I am constantly experiencing it at school. People don’t want to be friends with white kids, they shy away from dating them, it’s like before you meet someone, they already have their opinion of you. Like you’re constantly trying to be better, to show them that you don’t say the same things as your parents and your grandparents, that you agree with everything your fellow peers believe. It’s a infinite game of holding to higher standards.

I feel like since I’m white, I could never be enough for someone to date. It sounds pathetic but that’s been the message that my generation has been teaching me.

  1. I’m not sexually attractive cause I’m like a stick and my ‘curves’ are too small. Skinny is ugly. Skinny makes you look sick. Especially when you’re waist doesn’t look snatched, then you’re just a board.
  2. My personality isn’t attractive because I’m white and we all think the same way. Why do I even try.
  3. I will be held accountable for what my ancestors did even though I personally didn’t do anything. I also don’t have a right to complain because I grew up in the middle class with food on the table every night and I’m white so I don’t experience racism.