Living in hypotheticals

GAH I hate being angry, like truly outraged but then I remind myself that there is no reason to be this angry, no valid explanation to be channeling this much hostile energy. I have no real reason for being mad. There are people who have atual problems, mine is all in my head. It’s simply a fluke. And I curse myself for smiling. I smile so goddamn much and for what? When someone asks me a question when I’m truly sad or truly angry I just smile like what the hell dude. I can’t help it, I just go in circles; “Lorna it’s chillin dude it’s all in your head, they didn’t do anything with the intention of hurting you.” and then “Lorna goddamnit feel something for once you’ve been holding back for so long just let it rip.”

It’s like, no, I don’t feel truly angry, but if I was this wouldn’t be a valid reason to be. You know? Does that make any sliver of sense? Gosh I’m living in hypotheticals over here save me!

Published by lornamusings

I write here when I delete all my social media and pretend I don’t exist. I’m a teenager who used to live on a beautiful farm by a creek tucked into the sweet aroma of Concord grapes. Now I live in a 15 story apartment complex above a dog park in Philadelphia.

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